Loving someone with a disability: change begets change

Posted in Sandi's blog on 10 August 2010 | 0 Comments

When I look back on the incredible amount of change that I have been through since I picked myself up off my backside and decided that registering blind was not the end of the world, I am a little taken aback at how all of this change has transpired so seamlessly. And the changes themselves have been wide and varied - some by design, others by default, some under my control and others well out of my grasp - but the one constant in all of this has been the foundation of love, respect, understanding and encouragement provided so effortlessly by Mark and Martin.

Although when I registered blind, I begged and pleaded with Mark to join me in grieving for the loss of my eyesight wholesale. He refused outright: not because he didn't love me, but because he did. He knew that during that period, he needed to stand still, to put himself aside in order to be my rock and that is exactly what he did. This afforded me the freedom to explore my choices without recourse to anyone else and to get my life back on track, and that is exactly what I did.

But time nor man stands still and once I was ready and strong, Mark began to resume his life, but what we both discovered was that this was not so simple and that he did indeed have to come to terms, not only with my sight loss but also the impact this had on his path.

And you would think that this would come as naturally to me as it did to him, for me to be able to step aside and allow him to make his choices, but it was not. Instead, I found it unsettling and there was a sense of fear inside me that made me feel something akin to resentment, which consequently made me behave appallingly and do and say some pretty loathsome things.

But as what Mark and I have together is made of pretty strong stuff, I was eventually able to let go of the fear and to realise that this is life and what was happening was perfectly natural and that he was merely responding and adapting to the changes I had been through.

And when this tumultuous period came to a close and we sat down to discuss why I had been such a silly girl, he explained his views quite simply and said, "change begets change". And that was that. Balance was restored.

0 comments | Tags: Life, Respect, Family, Living with Sight Loss