Living with disability – when age, disability, sight loss, parents and children come together

Posted in Sandi's blog on 26 January 2010 | 1 Comments

My dad will be 83 this year and like most people his age, he has had some health issues, but until now, these have either been curable, treatable or manageable and have allowed him to lead a full and independent life with the unspoken motto 'Have golf clubs. Will travel'. But disability has arrived at his door and he is, amazingly, quite graciously accepting of it.

In September of last year, he had an operation to widen an artery in his leg, as he was having severe pain due to lack of blood flow. He had had the same operation in the other leg and it was a success, so we all thought this would be just fine, but it was not. The operation did not go to plan and they had to try another method and even this had complications. He moved slowly from recovery to rehabilitation and appeared to be on the mend, but the skin graft was not taking and there was an infection that just would not go away and so, he was given two options - amputate the leg or, well, the other was not really an option.

In order to have the best chance at resuming a 'normal' life, whatever 'normal' is, the surgeon was to amputate from below the knee, rather than above the knee. The difference between amputation below and above is vast in terms of mobility, and having the surgery below the knee meant that my dad could be fitted with a prosthetic leg and be reunited with his golf clubs within a few months. The operation went ahead, but the infection would still not abate and they had to operate once again and, this time, they had to go above the knee. But, has this broken his spirit or made him any less tenacious? Not even slightly.

He is optimistic, positive and upbeat and, strangely, so am I. I know that he is strong and he will get through this, with his humour and sarcasm intact. I just wish he didn’t have to.

But, as Old Khayyam said, "The moving finger writes and having writ, moves on." So it is not my job to look back and feel sad or to wish that this wasn’t happening. It's my job to move on with him and I am feeling quite pleased to find that I am a little ahead of the game. Having gone through the grieving process for the loss of my eyesight and, more so, my independence, I am firmly out the other end and I plan to be here waiting for him, cheering him on and providing all of the love, support and encouragement he needs until he gets here and then some. It is not that I have not cried or grieved for him. I have done this plenty, as it is part of the way forward, but I have not and will not grieve with him. That is not what I am here for.

When he heard that he was going to have the operation, he told me that he was ok about it and that I was his inspiration - if I could do it, so could he. I think we both drew strength from that. I know that this is not going to be easy for either of us, but I also know how lucky we are to have each other. We will both learn and grow from this experience and that is what life is all about and life is clearly the operative word.

1 comments | Tags: Family, Disability, Grieving, Independence