Coping with sight loss: the grieving process revisited
When I registered blind in 2008, I made the decision to embrace my loss and come to terms with the eventuality of losing all useful vision. And so began the grieving process. I went to some pretty grim places in my soul, but when I reached acceptance, I realised that I had never been angry, which is unusual as it is supposed to be a key stage of the grieving process.
I knew that the process was not necessarily linear and, as I have met sight loss milestones since, I also now know that when you have a degenerative condition, you dip in and out of the grieving process as you reach milestones. I just didn't think much of it at the time, as acceptance came with finding my 'higher purpose'. My life had meaning and so I forged on.
And over the next two years, not only had I come to terms with things, I also managed to offload some emotional baggage I had been carrying around for far too long. I stopped worrying about what other people thought about or expected from me and started to just be the person I wanted to be. I returned to my free spirited, free thinking flower child roots and have remained there ever since.
And then a few months ago, my behaviour started to change. I started to push back. I started to challenge and test everything and everyone around me. I was restless, intolerant, argumentative and had no peace. Even my beloved yoga would not do the trick. I figured I was working too hard or that I was not coping with all of the trauma and changes in my life. I tried to work it out, but nothing.
And then, after having a rather spectacular row with a friend, in the calm after the proverbial storm, there it was. The ugly truth. I was angry. I was grieving.
The independent, spontaneous hippy chick was trapped inside a body that was not independent and could not be spontaneous. And so I am now coming to accept this too, as with acceptance comes understanding. I am, first and foremost, an optimistic girl. All I need to do is look at my two boys to know that my cup is more than half-full.
About Sandi
Businesswoman Sandi Wassmer registered blind in 2008. In her blog, she shares with us the 'shenanigans of visual impairment'.
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Comments
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Right on, Sandi. The grieving doesn't really go away...it just changes its focus. At least, that's what I have found. To accept this, and continue to move on with life is never easy, but it is ultimately the route which saves your soul
Posted by Dr Evelyn Kallen, 18 October 2010 (2 years ago)
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Right on, Sandi. The grieving doesn't really go away...it just changes its focus. At least, that's what I have found. To accept this, and continue to move on with life is never easy, but it is ultimately the route which saves your soul
Posted by Dr Evelyn Kallen, 18 October 2010 (2 years ago)
